Six months ago I went to bed being thankful for both of my parents. The father of a friend past away that day and. I remember lying in bed and thinking about her and her family. And about mine. I couldn’t imagine what it would be to miss one of the dearest people in my life.
The next morning the first thing I saw were about ten missed calls. The next thing I remeber is my father on the phone, crying. My mother had died. After that I only have flashes of memories. Me crying on the floor, waiting for my love to arrive. What seemed to be an hour were only ten minutes.
While I write this down it almost makes me cry again. Almost, because I try to block all my feelings. Not that I succeed every time but I’m getting better at it. Not that it’s a very good solution, my feelings get ahead of me every time.
I still haven’t figured out how this mourning and handling your feelings thing works. What I do know is that I need you. I need people. Please have a little patience with me when I am grumpy or trying to push you away. I am just a little scared.
This month I bought flowers again. Six beautiful roses. Their beauty doesn’t compair to my loss but something pretty to look at is never wrong, right?