Yesterday evening I was struggling with going to bed. It felt as if I could go to sleep and when I would wake up everything would be normal again. But there was also this overwhelming knowledge that this wasn’t going to happen. That made me feel heavy and empty at the same time. I haven’t slept very well and I woke up sad.
During my break at school a collegue asked how I felt and I busted into tears right away. This is so not me! For the past weeks I just kept doing things. I felt feelings, I really did, but cry? No. I don’t cry easily and when I do I feel guilty about it. I don’t know why.
I don’t know where I am going with this post. I don’t want to bother you but it helps me to write about it. And sharing helps. And maybe someday I can help somebody with my story.
Today was hard. But what I love is that there’s always a silver lining, no matter how dark the clouds are. When I came home there was this really amazing letter awaiting me. And I received this lovely magazine which I won and which made me smile. Thanks!
My lovely husband also bought three white roses, one for each month of missing my mum. This little ritual of buying flowers helps. And again, writing and sharing helps. Thank you for reading. Love, Imke